Monday, August 6, 2012

Corn Tortillas and a Tomato DO NOT Equal a Muffin


About 2 weeks ago I had a bad gluten AND dairy experience at Mimi's Cafe, so annoying that I won't be going back.  So annoying that it took me 2 weeks to blog about it.  So annoying that it resulted in a fight with my husband. Oy gluten.

So here's how it went.  On a beautiful sunny Sunday morning my husband, 3 year-old son, and I set off for a simple breakfast out at a restaurant before heading out for some local sightseeing.  Always concerned that I won't be able to eat safely, my husband called a few places and settled on Mimi's Cafe after being told on the phone that they have a gluten-free menu.  "Yay,!" I thought, particularly because Mimi's has a French bistro theme and I was excited about the prospect of enjoying something yummy like g-free French Toast.  I must have been out of my mind.

When we got there and were seated after about 15 minutes, my husband asked the hostess for the gluten-free menu as well and, like a deer caught in headlights, she paused, then said, "Whaaaat?"  "The gluten-free menu," he repeated, and she cautiously looked at a fellow hostess who helped her locate it and hand it to us.  Already, I was concerned.  "Clearly," I thought to myself, "They're not training their staff.  Otherwise, they would know what we're talking about without clarification.  This isn't good."  Ignoring those instincts and not wanting to "make a problem," I proceeded to our table.

As I looked at the gluten-free menu, quickly I grew despondent.  The "normal" menu had multiple pages, was full color, at least 16 inches tall, and filled with photos.  My menu was one 8 1/2 x 11 white paper, with small black text, and no pictures or photos.  There were very few options offered on it and, like so many bad gluten-free menus, it was simply a menu of exclusion.  In other words, it just told me what I couldn't eat and made no effort to offer me a gluten-free version of any "normal" menu items.  This infuriates me.

How hard it is to buy or (heaven forbid)  make gluten-free bread?  I can find it at my local Nob Hill, Safeway, Trader Joe's, Sun Flower Market, and Whole Foods.  Or what about buying or making gluten-free waffles?  Even Target sells gluten-free waffles!  But a French pastry themed restaurant boasting a gluten-free menu doesn't.  A restaurant sitting right next to my beloved Red Robin Burgers, who happily offers me an Udi's bun on each visit?

It gets more ridiculous.  Most breakfast items on the "normal" menu at Mimi's, like omelets, come with a "freshly baked muffin."  Gluten-free guests, however, are not given a gluten-free muffin (again, easy to make or find), but rather a stack of corn tortillas and a tomato!  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I like corn tortillas and tomatoes when I'm in a Mexican restaurant or cooking with them at home.  But when I order a gluten-free breakfast in a French-themed restaurant filled with pastries, I'm not expecting to be given a stack of microwaved plain tortillas as an afterthought while having to watch my son and husband bite into their soft, chewy muffins.  I had a variety of thoughts about where those tortillas might be shoved but none were appropriate to say in front of my child.

My husband wasn't much up for my vent about the very limited exclusion menu and how I would have rather eaten at home.  So he was particuarly horrified, as was I, when, after a long wait, my dairy-free omelette arrived smothered in cheese.  And, yes, the corn tortillas were stacked next to it.  Yippee.  In disbelief, I exclaimed, "Is that cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?"  I sent the food away and found myself quickly getting very emotionally upset.  So upset, in fact, that I momentarily walked out of the restaurant while my husband had my food recooked and packed to go.  Who knows why, since I imagine the kitchen there is rife with cross-contamination.   Ugh. 

As I stood outside trying to collect myself, full drama set in motion, part of me felt guilty for "making a scene," being "difficult to accommodate," and "ruining the meal" for my son and husband.  More of me, though, felt irritated at Mimi's Cafe for doing what so many other places do.  They just hop on the gluten-free bandwagon as an afterthought at best, and making no real efforts to show concern for their guests' dietary needs, not to mention delighting their taste buds.  Yes, people that avoid gluten and most dairy have taste buds, too.  Surprise, surprise. 

Even though I've been g-free for several years and have become accustomed to these sorts of experiences from time to time, on occasion my thick skin gives way to a "woe is me" lament. I guess I've decided that I'm allowed to do that every so often.

Later in the day, I challenged my husband to think about how he would find eating out gluten-free and cow's milk-free for even a month or a year, let alone a lifetime. I think he began to understand, though still not completely. No matter how many delicious compliant meals I can create at home, I cannot escape the stack of rubbery tortillas that some restaurant will proudly set in front of me as a sign that they "get it," while my counterpart will be tearing into his fresh baked wheat dream.  Can you tell I'm getting worked up again? Guess the silver-lining is my renewed sense of purpose about normalizing the dining in and out experiences of people with food intolerances and allergies.  Now about those gluten-free muffins...

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